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n Friday evenings, you can often find me leaning against a railing beside a patch of artificial turf, trying desperately to summon some interest in the U12s football match unfolding, in unlovely fashion, in front of me. Barely a week passes without me watching the referee – sometimes a young kid barely willing to follow the game, sometimes an aspirant Pierluigi Collini, sometimes an ageing jobsworth who penalises everything – and remarking to one of the other parents that there’s no way you could persuade me to referee kids’ football for 20-odd quid a game.